My dear friend Elisha calls rejection "god's protection". I feel very clear about God not giving a rat's ass about a prayer list of our wants or needs but God and I are still working it out. Our relationship is a work in progress. But I put down my weapons the day I helped Max leave his body. Still... I am working on staying in fighting shape. Stepping onto the battlefield is not necessarily about straight up spiritual warfare. Stepping onto the battlefield is the place where we choose triumph over failure when we get rejected. We stay present regardless of the outcome. Staying in a heart broken open space is actually a very victorious place to be.
Loving is not about getting anything. Loving is not about getting anything. Loving is not about getting anything. Loving is not about getting anything. Loving is not about getting anything.
Before Max was born I used impermanence as a way to guard my heart. I found a practice of contentment by remaining unattached. I actually had a name for it "compassionate neutrality". I assure you I didn't know any better so there is a kind of ignorant innocence here that I am sharing with you. Then this path of mine presented a new landscape. I can now tell you with absolute certainty, "compassionate neutrality" is bullshit. Nothing stays the same. Impermanence is the path we are all walking. There is nothing enlightened about staying neutral.
Max isn't teaching us how to stand on the side line and stay neutral. Get in there and get yourself dirty mom. We confuse a survival method of not getting attached with simply waking up to knowing that nothing stays the same. Whether you attach or renounce is not going to change things changing. This life is inviting us to explore the depth of our heart and to bind ourselves to what we love. Get radically attached. How fully, how madly will you love knowing the truth that no matter what, someday you are going to loose it. I listened to Douglas Brooks talk about love this way: "Love will bring you into conflict, disappointment and grieving. Love will fuck you up. But however it is we choose to love is what we will become".
Bind yourself to the act of loving and see what kind of heart opening happens. I assure you this path is much more challenging, much more risky, and much more authentic than being compassionately neutral.
and yes... You will get rejected. Do it anyway.
Rejection is liberation.
L O V E
Heather
