A series of love letters written to Max
by Grandma Claudia.
March 2012
My Dearest Max, My Cherub
It has been one year since I first laid eyes upon you. I remember thinking, how you looked so much like Howie, your cousin, and how beautiful you were. You and I have become such friends this past year. A lot has happened because of you, Max, and I want you to know know how much you are loved.
Your Aunt Heidi, Uncle Josh, cousins Mimi, Howie, Zoe and friends ran a special race, "Run to the Max" to honor you. Many loving hearts gathered to express their love for you. They will plant your cherry tree with love notes of "Let Love In" to show how love grows.
Your beautiful Mama, Heather, Jeniffer, and I journeyed to Canyon De Chelly to honor your birthdate. It is a mystical place where the veil is thin, not very far from heaven, but of course, you know that. I felt you there with us Max. Thanks for being with us for this very special occasion. I saw the covey of flying quail and the red-tailed hawk as we were leaving Spider Rock. I saw the small bumblebee and the tiny butterfly on my hike yesterday. I saw you Max. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart.
You are timeless Max. You are the master Max. You are the teacher, Max. You are Love Max. You are the light shining in my heart. I am blessed. I am learning.
Love,
Grandma Claudia
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My Dearest Max, My Cherub.
For the last month I have walked by your tiny little box marked MAX Love, MAX Wisdom that holds your ashes. Your Mama left you in my safe keeping while she went back to the Big Island for awhile. I feel I am actually touching you and feeling your spirit as I pass by you each morning and say "I love you Max." What an honor it is for me to actually have you staying with me close to my heart. I am blessed.
You are a force, my mighty little Max. Who knew you were capable of opening hearts, minds, and souls to those of us who ask? Therein lies the beauty of you Max. Opening our hearts and minds is what love is all about. That is what you are all about to me. You, Max, are "LOVE" in its purest form, innocent, embracing, forgiving, everlasting and unconditional.
You are my teacher. I am your student. Teach me.
I love you Max......
Grandma Claudia
Let Love In...................
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My Dearest(Deerest) Max, My Cherub, January 22, 2012
There is no doubt in my mind Max that you appear to me letting me know that you are here with me. This particular appearance came December 24th(Your Mama's birthday) at 11:00 a. m. (planetary marbles, Max?) I was out by your rose bush where I say good morning to you every day when I felt a presence behind me. I turned around and just over my backyard wall was standing this magnificent young stag. He was all alone, no female deer with him which is unusual in itself. It was then that I knew it was you, Max, because the stag looked directly at me with those big liquid eyes just as you had looked at me the last day I was with you before you passed through this life. The stag tipped his antlers at me and with great strength bounded down the ditch with his head held high. I called to you...."High Five Max."
You are strong, Max. You are magnificent, Max. You are beautiful, Max. You are leader of all leaders, Max. You are joy. You are wisdom. You are truth. You are love. Yes.....most of all LOVE....... You are my grandson.........I love you Max.
Let love in.......
Love, Grandma Claudia
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December
My Dearest Max, my Cherub,
It's the season of joy and birth and magic. It's a time to count my blessings. You, my dearest Max, are one of my most treasured blessings. For me your birth and death created a new beginning to live with an open heart of unconditional love. Thank you Max for being my teacher.
As I look back over the last nine months I still long for you to be here with me and then I realize you are here with me. I just have to call your name and you are here. Thank you Max for being my teacher.
I have found peace, joy, and love and I trust that you will be my master teacher forever guiding me on my life path. I celebrate love with you. Thank you Max for being my teacher.
There is a halo that for the past 32 years has set atop my Christmas tree. This halo belongs to your beloved mom. This year I placed a tiny angel right below your mama's halo. This angel is you, Max
Giving and receiving love is what life is all about. Nothing else matters. What is love but the ultimate self surrender. With self surrender comes a value for love. Thank you Max for being my teacher.
Yes, Max, you are love. You are joy. You are magical and I love you from the depths of my soul. You are my only heart Max. My hand in your hand walking this path of love together singing a song of forever unconditional love to each other is what love is all about. Thank you Max for being my teacher.
Love,
Grandma Claudia
"Let Love In."
November, 2011
My Dearest Max, my cherub
The Dance Extravaganza was a grand celebration of 65 dancer, friends, of your grandmother coming together for me in support of you, Max. It is my devotion and love for you that gave me the courage to be a warrior once again for you and to undertake this celebration of dance. My feet were dancing but my heart was singing with joy as I danced with you and for you that evening.
Your Mama was there right beside me. She is such a beautiful, amazing warrior for you Max. I am so proud of her. She thanked everyone for supporting this dance extravaganza. She explained that this evening was the "first" fundraiser for the new non-profit we are starting in your name. The money we raised will go to helping other mamas like her who have lost their babies. Know that you were loved by all who attended and they were touched by your Mama's heartfelt words.
You are my teacher, Max. You are my dancing partner. Life is similar to dancing. There are forward steps and backward steps with rises and falls in each step but the important thing is to keep the "line of dance." Loving with an open heart and letting love in will keep us dancing.
Thank you for dancing this "first" dance with me Max. It was such a special evening for all three of us, you, your Mama, and me, your Grandmother. We know that we all have much more dancing to do together on this journey of ours."
So let's dance Max. Wherever you lead me on this dance floor of life, I will follow.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."(author unknown)
Hi Max. It's Grandma Claudia loving you.
October, 2011
My Dearest Max, My Cherub,
A lot has happened to make your grandmother, the "Warrior," she didn't know she could be. I am your protector your advocate and nothing can keep me from protecting you like I have always done with your Mom, Heather, and your Aunt, Heidi. Sometimes people's opinions can get in the way of our cause to help mamas deal with the loss of their 'Max's." I had to say goodbye to two people , who I thought were my friends, but had their hidden agendas and told me to forget about you. I don't think No No one has the right to tell me how I feel about you and what to do. Who tells me, your adoring grandmother, to forget about you, nobody. I had to put on my "Max armor" and be a warrior for us. It was sad and heart wrenching for me but my love for you concurs all.
The good news is your mama is here in Tucson. I wanted to let you know that she is the glowing, full of energy mama once again. She is on a mission for you Max so be prepared for great things.....
She will join me for the Dance Extravaganza to honor you. What a thrill for me to have you and your Mama dancing with me that night.
You are my shining light......You are my inspiration....I love you...
Let Love in.........
I love you...
Your adoring grandmother, Claudia
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SEPTEMBER
My Dearest Max, My Cherub
It is now six months since you passed through this physical world and I still miss you everyday. I don't suppose that will ever change. I hope not. I have some exciting news to tell you. Your Mom and your Aunt Heidi are starting a non-profit in your name. I 'm calling it Max Love, Max Wisdom because I am your grandmother and you know that you and I can do anything we want. Your mom has not decided on a name yet and we will honor her wishes of course. There I go again getting side-tracked, sorry Max. The exciting news is that I have helped organize the first Dancing Extravaganza here in Saddle Brooke and we will be raising money for your new non-profit.. All of my friends who dance in different arenas have accepted my invitation to dance for you that evening to help raise money. Argentine Tango dancers, Line Dancers, Hula Dancers, Cloggers, Ballroom Dancers, and some specialty dance groups will be performing.
They will all be dancing for you Max. I, your adoring grandmother, will be dancing A waltz, a Samba and will also be dancing with the cloggers.. I want you to know that even though I will be dancing with different partners you will be the one I am "really" holding in my arms and dancing the night away.
So get your "Dancing" shoes on Max because here we go. We are on our way.....Let's Dance Why Not?
I almost forgot to tell you Max. We are dancing to a "Sold Out" crowd and our performance is a month away.......You always were a show stopper!!!
Love, Grandma Claudia
"Let Love In.”
***********
August 20, 2011
My Dearest Grandma Claudia,
I feel so blessed to have known you if only for eight days. I remember your loving touch and soft, comforting words while I was in the NICU in Honolulu. Believe me when I tell you that you made my passing through this world easier just knowing you loved me so much. I wish for so many things for both of us which I know in reality will never happen but in our spiritual world together and in our hearts is definitely happening.
I know you think of me everyday and I listen with joy as you chat with me daily so lovingly as only you know how to do. I know you hear me too when I talk to you. We have a special bond that no one can understand but us. That's why you feel so connected to me. You know whenever you open your heart to me and "high five" me, I am instantly in your loving arms being held by you. All you have to do is smile your gorgeous smile at me and I'll be there in your open arms looking up into your eyes and smiling.
I miss you too. I remember your loving touch and those kisses you planted on my knee everyday while I was in the hospital. It must be difficult for you now not being able to touch my chubby little hands and feet or to kiss my knees like you did every day while I was in the NICU. Know that I still feel your touch everyday.
I remember our last morning together before I had to pass through this world onto the next. You were the first one to tell me goodbye. I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to do that. I remember thinking what a courageous warrior you were and how much I loved you. I remember everything you said to me to help me on my journey. You promised I would be safe and loved and that you would always be there holding my little hand. I remember the shock on your face when I, for the first time, opened my eyes to you. I had to blink one more time for you so you would believe that I would be o.k. I remember you sending me on my way with a big red kiss on my knee telling me that you would always be there with me. I still wear that kiss. Thank you for choosing me as your grandson and loving me unconditionally with an open heart. I am here for you whenever you need me. I am your precious Max, your cherub.
I Love You,
Max
"Let Love In."
***********
July 30, 2011
My Dearest Max, My Cherub,
The monsoons are here in Tucson as I write this love letter to you on the day you passed through us four months ago. The rain makes your rose bush grow strong and tall. I was in Minnesota visiting your Aunt Heidi, Uncle Josh and your cousins, Mimi, Howie, and Zoe. You look just like your cousin Howie, 3 1/2, did as a baby. You both have that same little round cherub face, dimpled little knees, and of course, those plump little feet and hands which I have always called "paws."
I felt your presence there with us Max as Mimi, Howie, and Zoe and I danced through the days together playing. You too were there with us holding my hand just as Zoe, Mimi and Howie did. All I have to do is look at your cousin, Howie, and I see you in his eyes and his loving heart. I am truly blessed.
Your cousins love you very much and whisper your name often. Know that you are always welcome to come play with them whenever you want. Angels make the best playmates, you know.
High Five Max for directing Aunt Heidi and me to a group called "Compassionate Friends." As we attended the many seminars offered at their 34th convention it became clear to us that you were there with us guiding us as we continued your work for Max Love Max Wisdom. We began telling your and your Mom's story, passing out your business cards, making connections, carrying your message of unconditional love and sharing the many "Maxism's" that have happened around the world because of you, Thanks Max for being there with Heidi and me.
I know my journey of knowing the truth and living with an open heart and passing it forward has just begun. I wanted to tell you Max that I wrote a children's story starring you. It is a labor of love which I will share with you someday. Until then know that I love you and I miss you.
Hi Max. It's Grandma Claudia loving you, letting your love in......
***********
June 9, 2011
My Dearest Max, My Cherub,
It's been a little over two months since I last said goodbye to you in the physical sense. A lot has changed for me because of you. I still miss you every day. Even though you are my littlest grandson, you have become a mighty force changing lives around the world. Thanks, Max.
You have left your "heart print" on my heart encouraging me to live with an open heart and open arms. I take baby steps not knowing which direction to always take but knowing you are there to guide me with your wisdom and your love. You help me live within the heart of myself. You are my partner, Max. You are my "heart song." You let me dance in the light of your love. Thanks, Max.
So let us dance together through this journey of ours' not knowing where that may lead us but knowing that our hearts are dancing together guiding us to where we need to go. We can trust our hearts, Max. Know that I am holding you in my loving arms and heart as we dance together through this joyous journey that we have just begun.
I'm letting your love in Max. Thanks Max.
"Hi Max," it's Grandma Claudia loving you.
***********
It's been a little over two months since I last said goodbye to you in the physical sense. A lot has changed for me because of you. I still miss you every day. Even though you are my littlest grandson, you have become a mighty force changing lives around the world. Thanks, Max.
You have left your "heart print" on my heart encouraging me to live with an open heart and open arms. I take baby steps not knowing which direction to always take but knowing you are there to guide me with your wisdom and your love. You help me live within the heart of myself. You are my partner, Max. You are my "heart song." You let me dance in the light of your love. Thanks, Max.
So let us dance together through this journey of ours' not knowing where that may lead us but knowing that our hearts are dancing together guiding us to where we need to go. We can trust our hearts, Max. Know that I am holding you in my loving arms and heart as we dance together through this joyous journey that we have just begun.
I'm letting your love in Max. Thanks Max.
"Hi Max," it's Grandma Claudia loving you.
***********
My Dearest Max, My Cherub,
As I stand here in my rose garden in Tucson Arizona looking at the special white rose bush that your mom and I planted for you, I think about the first time I met you It was March 7 2011 in Hilo, Hawaii. Of course you were still swimming around in your mommy's uterus but as I felt you kick, I knew we would be best friends for life and I said, "Hi Max, it's Grandma Claudia." Little did I know that I would always greet you this way, no matter where I was.
Your mom and I were getting things ready for your arrival,"the great birth" as we came to call it. We were very excited to meet you. Your mom was always chatting it up with you and rubbing her tummy so you could feel her warmth and love. Your mom and I did all kinds of things to keep us busy while we waited for you to be born but you were always on your own time schedule as we would come to know. To pass the time waiting for you to make your entry into this world, we cooked. We baked cinnamon rolls, orange rolls, French bread, muffins. We practiced diapering with a new kind of diaper that I, your grandmother, had never seen before but colorful so I knew you would like them. We swaddled a stuffed bear so you would feel safe and securely wrapped. We organized your room sorting the "hand-me-up baby clothes that friends had given you. Your mom and I hiked together, went to movies together, watched Madmen, ate fabulous food, and even went to Kona to an Argentine Tango class with your soon to be midwife, April. Aunt Jen Jen and I even went shopping for a special chair for you and your mom so you could sit together. We talked all about the things we would be doing together after you arrived. We did all of this with the hopes of your soon to be , birth.
We were finally ready for you when you decided to arrive 10 days late, by our calculations, on March 22 at 1:00 a.m. in the morning. I remember seeing your tiny little head covered with a tiny little hat and a blanket wrapped around you suckling your mommy's breast. I thought how perfect you are Max and as I touched you thinking how blessed am I to be here with you. As I write this love letter to you, the first of many love letters to come, I feel privileged to have known you on this Earth if only for a little while.
Sweet blessings my dearest Max, my cherub. I love you. Know that I am always beside you holding your soft, chubby little hand.
I'm letting your love in Max.
"Hi Max, it's Grandma Claudia loving you."
As I stand here in my rose garden in Tucson Arizona looking at the special white rose bush that your mom and I planted for you, I think about the first time I met you It was March 7 2011 in Hilo, Hawaii. Of course you were still swimming around in your mommy's uterus but as I felt you kick, I knew we would be best friends for life and I said, "Hi Max, it's Grandma Claudia." Little did I know that I would always greet you this way, no matter where I was.
Your mom and I were getting things ready for your arrival,"the great birth" as we came to call it. We were very excited to meet you. Your mom was always chatting it up with you and rubbing her tummy so you could feel her warmth and love. Your mom and I did all kinds of things to keep us busy while we waited for you to be born but you were always on your own time schedule as we would come to know. To pass the time waiting for you to make your entry into this world, we cooked. We baked cinnamon rolls, orange rolls, French bread, muffins. We practiced diapering with a new kind of diaper that I, your grandmother, had never seen before but colorful so I knew you would like them. We swaddled a stuffed bear so you would feel safe and securely wrapped. We organized your room sorting the "hand-me-up baby clothes that friends had given you. Your mom and I hiked together, went to movies together, watched Madmen, ate fabulous food, and even went to Kona to an Argentine Tango class with your soon to be midwife, April. Aunt Jen Jen and I even went shopping for a special chair for you and your mom so you could sit together. We talked all about the things we would be doing together after you arrived. We did all of this with the hopes of your soon to be , birth.
We were finally ready for you when you decided to arrive 10 days late, by our calculations, on March 22 at 1:00 a.m. in the morning. I remember seeing your tiny little head covered with a tiny little hat and a blanket wrapped around you suckling your mommy's breast. I thought how perfect you are Max and as I touched you thinking how blessed am I to be here with you. As I write this love letter to you, the first of many love letters to come, I feel privileged to have known you on this Earth if only for a little while.
Sweet blessings my dearest Max, my cherub. I love you. Know that I am always beside you holding your soft, chubby little hand.
I'm letting your love in Max.
"Hi Max, it's Grandma Claudia loving you."
