Monday, August 22, 2011

"Yes" go shuffle a 5K

Max was born five months ago today. There is a palpable potency around these last eight days of every month. I have shared that I once feared time, scared that as it marched on it would be a promenade away from Max, away from these moments along the continuum that open us up, that rip our hearts well into the realm of god ache. Good thing God has rhythm. Time is just making me a better dancer. Even if I miss a beat Max doesn't seem to mind. He giggles at my messy moves and keeps drumming. Max just breaks it down on his hi-hat "I like your style Mom."

"Dress your grief up in Blue High Heels and get moving. We have work to do"

Max and I initially spent a good deal of time together in quiet spaces while he taught me how to listen to his voice. I took lots of notes. This note is specific to an evening at my sister's house a little over a month after Max left his body, "Hey mom, you can do anything. You have a body. Do everything". My response was, "Christ Max you are right. You could have taken me with you, and here I am. I get it. Skin suit wearing is embodiment. Embodiment is god wanting to feel, touch, love, cry, celebrate, endure, walk, run, go to Katmandu, surf and ski in the same day, make ceramic coffee cups, stay up way too late with people that I love because the company is that good, surf 40 countries, serve humans, write a book, sit at the feet of masters," the list continues. Max was giving me the practice of saying "Yes". Not yes to the bullshit ways we feel we need to please people by doing things that don't resonate in our hearts, it's not that kind of yes. It's saying yes to everything we have made up an excuse as to why not.

Just like Max has increased my sensitivity to the spectrum of the magical realms he is also offering a doorway into the obvious... You have a body. Love it. Utilize it. Rub up against all of your edges. Don't just do one thing that scares you, go out seeking things that scare the shit out of you and then dominate. Embodiment is Empowerment but we need to stretch way beyond our comfort zone for the spectrum of what is possible to reveal itself. Be harmlessly reckless. Be vulnerably bold. Be lovingly messy. And as our Christina Sell shares, please don't walk through life without getting it on you. Get out your list. Start checking things off. If you don't have one, make one. And please do make sure that you aren't good at it before you go for it.

I hate running. So I ran a 5K. I was so excited I sprinted the first 2 miles. I got a side ache. I stopped. Then an eight-year old dressed in all red kind of shuffled past me and I thought " I can shuffle ". I shuffled past the finish line. The only role I have ever wanted to play was a Doo-Wap girl for Little Shop of Horrors. I finished my shuffle, took my race number 661 off and replaced it with my audition number 26 for the Palace Theater.

What I am saying is go find all of your 5ks even if it means you shuffle. Go find all of your dream roles, belt out some show tunes even if it means you sing off key. Own it, then take your trophies to go, and let love in on your way out the door.

Let Love In


Mary Bowman-Dement said...

wow, so fresh and right on Ms H.....thank you...xoxo
love you, MBD

monkeyfishdezigns said...

ugh running is the worst! Good idea to get that one checked off the list so you can focus on all that other great stuff you mentioned.... 40 different countries of surf... yum :) inspiring as always... xo

L.Marie Cook said...

i love you! this is the best! I need to put my shuffling shoes on and get out there too!

Heidi Huelster said...

Shuffling for Max and his cousins in Oct.XO

Jessie said...

Love this post. I've just been thinking about making excuses for things we once did that served us well, but don't any longer. I think the general message is the same: Just do it!

Anonymous said...

Hello old Friend,

I had a nice dream about you, it sure was good to see you once again. I have been missing Baby June. Want to come surf Vietnam? I moved to Saigon. Let me entertain you. xoxo Ape

Marcia Tullous said...


You and Max touch my heart. Thank you for the reminder to live life and to simply do what matters. I really need to learn how to color outside of the lines a bit more.

Love and big heart hugs,

K. Koessler said...

Where are your gold lame panties! Get out and there and go girl! My heart pumps BIG LOVE for you lady! Cant wait to see you (soon?)

Mary said...

I came across your blog by chance one day....thank you for sharing your story. It has reached me all the way in Cambodia and reminds me to LET LOVE IN.

Cherine Pai said...
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