Today marks 49 days since Max passed through me. 49 days is a significant day of transition in Tibetan Buddhism. And although Max is very clearly an awakened being, I have roots with the wild crazy wisdom side if things. Jen Z, Ivy, and Jess joined me early this morning at the same shrine where on April 3 they kept 108 candles lit as the Tucson Warriors shared prayers and chants for Max. The cookies that Bronwin and Darren offered were still there on a little plate from 7 weeks ago. When I arrived a candle from the original offering was lit. Pure Magic.
The spoken word below is not a push. I wrote it as a love letter to read to my son. I offer it to you as a way to honor and share the awakening that has occurred in your life these last 49 days.
THE REBIRTH PRAYER
For Maximilian Ka'hanu Heintz
I am onto you death.
You and your handle bar mustache under that black hooded little number you wear.
You aren't scary and you can't take my son.
Max is bigger than your bardos. He built your bardos.
And still Max I remind you to fly my sweet beautiful boy.
Move through. Move over bacon because Max is very much in the house...this great big mansion of my heart.
Time travel Max in your interstellar space machine. King of angels. Teacher of teachers.
Play planetary marbles my Boddhisatva Baba Baby Boy.
You are free.
You are me and me you. We never leave each other.
You have my blessing, just promise to call on the magic cell phone.
I want to hear about all of your adventures. All of your love. All of your heartache.
You are not a story. You are not downloadable.
You are more and more alive as I become more and more awake.
But I need to know that you are safe, warm, fed, happy... My hero.
My Jambavan. I just need the reminder to just remember.
I remember. And sometimes the smell of your skin surrounds me and I feel you in every cell of my body and you breathe me.
You breathe me Ka'hanu.
And here I was holding my breath thinking you would leave me.
You can't loose me. You never have.
I am ever present. You sang to me Nischprapanchaya.
I am yours.
Body or not.
Mother and Son.
Hanuman and Jambavan.
This lifeime or the next.
We are love.
OK My Mirror Max, add smoke or not.
I see you.
Thank you for dusting my path and adding golden sprinkles.
I will walk it and dip my fingers in the frosting and put my head in the donut cabinet at the grocery store to taste the richness of every moment.
I have and will let you go without me now knowing that you always return.
So take pictures. I want details.
In the meantime I will swing in your sunshine and sing with the keepers of wonder.