Saturday, May 14, 2011

Devastation, what a gift...

Thank you for your comments, your poems, your pictures, your hearts. Truly, they are a life line for me.

Many of you have written to me personally about wanting to do some mending but not sure how to begin. Let me start by extending my deep appreciation for you. You braving your anger. You braving your grief. You braving your hurt. You braving your worthiness. You braving your dharma. You braving to let love in.

I want to begin by inviting you to pay attention to your word choice when you speak about your relationships and be curious about if using words like "toxic" are really your egos way of guarding your heart. It is certainly easy to stay away from things that are toxic and no one will argue with you. But if toxic is your way of perpetuating an old story and you want to truly break through the bullshit and get to know your heart then simply start by changing your language.

What follows is a little of what I have shared with a very dear friend from SD that you might find helpful.

A big part of my process has been meeting people where they are at, not meeting people at a place that fits into the mold of where I think they should be at. Max is clearly not a practice of "should". Should is a practice of wishing things were different. We can wish all we want, but we cannot act from a place of wishing things were different. This may be a type of spiritual materialism; thinking how people should be in the world is somehow better than the way they are. This only fits our agenda and not our connection.

I have had to work through this in the relationships that are on my list to mend. Of course I want each of them to be incredibly enriching, heart felt and authentic, but it's impossible. Not all people have those kinds of relationship with themselves. I am not saying this out of judgement. It's just the way some of us move through the world.  I still am blessed to receive their love.  What's beautiful is that I get to explore all of the ways people share their love with me.  
All of us will to continue to act out neurosis, like the way we dish it out to compensate for our own insecurities. As a warrior what I invite you to do is bring people back to their hearts. Instead of rolling your eyes or changing the conversation or avoiding them altogether, remind people of the ways they love themself or ask her about the ways they don't. Start to change the language.  What will start to happen is that the time you spend together will start to serve the heart connection that you two have. It might not happen overnight, or it might. SERVE LOVE not your expectations.

The other thing you need to stop doing is being afraid for the other person. We cannot take away our parents pain. We cannot take away our children's pain. We cannot take away of lover's pain. We cannot take away our friend's pain. No matter how hard we try.  It's an illusion. This is a hard one for me too. But awakening doesn't happen if someone is coddling us. We would better serve by moving out of the way. I have had to do this with my mama. Of course I want to make sure she is ok. She lost her grandson and she has to witness her daughter suffering. But what I realized is that by me trying to make sure she is ok was actually getting in the way of what Max has to offer: The teaching of impermanence, the teaching of radical acceptance, the teaching of love as a birthright, and the teaching of the veil of separation.

Life is devastating. Life is also creative.  Let your people be devastated. They might need to be.   Death and re-birth can happen while you are still alive in this body. What a gift. 

Remember you cannot act attached the results. Stay in your heart and see where the chips fall.

I hope this is helpful. If not, trash it, but trash it with certainty. 
Heather Bear


Elisa said...

Devastation as a Gift = Seeing the Shri

Marcia Tullous said...

Thank you, Heather for writing and sharing so much of what you are learning and allowing the teachings and message to flow through you.

It seems to me that death and rebirth happen again and again throughout our lives. It's like a peeling away of the superficial layers to reveal the real beauty of who we are not who we think we should be.

Letting those we love deal with what life has handed them and not trying to fix it or change it or take it away, is by far one of the hardest things to learn and do. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn especially as a mother.


Mary Bowman-Dement said... always hit the nail on the head....especially the reference to "toxic"......I think of clorox when I hear that word.
You are in my thoughts a teacher and women who shares so freely your observations and thoughts. Live and love. xoxo

Kendra said...

Thank you Heather for sharing your heart and letting love and grief flow through you to all of us. May we all be as courageous as you are. Love!

"I saw grief drinking a cup of sorrow and called out, "it tastes sweet, does it not?" "you've caught me," grief answered, "and you've ruined my business. How can I sell sorrow when you know it's a blessing?" ~Rumi

riverbendyoga said...

Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you in your process and endeavors. This blog is an amazing site; I am inspired by your presence and wisdom. Sincerely, dana

K. Koessler said...

I am still astonished by how big and all encompassing Max has been. He has reached into some very deep places in my life and for that I am thankful.
Every post you have shared, every lesson you have deemed from your experience has been immediately relevant in my life for various reasons.
Devastation.... what a gift indeed! I feel like the top has been blown off. The weather isn't always kind, but it sure reminds you that you are alive!
Big cosmic hugs

Geana said...

Thank you max for joining forces with your Mommy to share your wisdom, for it is truly changing lives and spreading deep love. In the days since you were born into your mother and all of our lives this is what I have and continue to learn about...
The beauty of death is it connects us to eternity and disconnects us from the confines of our minds. It breaks us down to that vulnerable state inwhich we are free to rebuild. Butterfly wisdom unleashed. If used properly death becomes a tool that opens us up to the relm we cannot see with our eyes but must feel with our hearts, and in this space there are no boundries for the expansion of love and connection of spirits. It was not long ago that my mind reacted to death by shutting down and closing up my heart, it linked me to fear and anger. Now I understand that this is not how it has to be. It is not deaths fault that I miss the loved ones Iv "lost". In opening up my heartspace and letting go of anger I bring myself closer to them. If we are all connected by eternity in this unseen relm then there is no need to fear the undeniability of what we call death. You Max have given me the freedom to live fully today letting go of my fear and anger towards the process of life, the part called death. I give myself over to,instead, put my energy into the love of life and the people that are a part of it, even the ones I cannot see.