As my arms ached to hold him, I went through a list in my heart of the relationships that I needed to heal. "Get busy Mom, you may not be here tomorrow, or worse those people in your heart might not be here". This is how I prioritized. When I went down the checklist I asked myself if I were to run into them, would I run the other way? Anyone who I would run away from got a phone call. It sounds funny to me now that this is how I proceeded, but I am telling you because it doesn't have to be complicated. It's not easy, but it's not complicated. You will hear this again and again from me. Actually if it becomes complicated you need to re-direct your intention. On the same note if it feels easy, you aren't doing the work.
Love wants to pour through us. Love wants to pour through you. But you and your grudges, you and your blame, you and your feeling victimized, you and your jealousy, you and your fear, you and all your excuses are great big blocks, huge dams that prevent that river of love to gush through every cell in your body. Love is your birth right. I know. I just held the purest form for 8 days.
Confronting the people that we have been most hurtful toward, and the people that have been most hurtful toward us is liberating. It frees us and them of the bullshit that has been trumping our deepest truth. Life is radically different when the truth is so palpable. We can only taste the truth when we confront our demons.
I am on quite a journey, and as some of you have said "an undeniable one". All of us are.
Here is the bottom line, if you can fix something, fix it. Go heal a broken relationship in the name of Max, in the name of me, but mostly in the name of the love truth that you are.
My midwife told my amazing sister who hadn't spoken to our dad for over three years to "just open the door and let the breeze come through". Amen April. You have to start somewhere.
Go open the door.
Max Love, Max Widom
|Heintz & Huelster families opening the door in Saint Paul, MN - March 2011|