Friday, May 6, 2011

go heal a broken relationship... seriously, go heal a broken relationship

Master Kim P sat next to me on the airplane. It was 22 hours after Max passed through me. We were on our way back to the Big Island. Kim held my hand. All I could think about was how am I going to do this? How do I go home without my son? How do I return to a community where all the bustle was about Max's arrival? How do I return to my bedroom where he was born a healthy, wailing brilliant baby? Tears just streamed down my face. People are going to ask what they can do for me. What can I possibly tell them? Then BAM, another PUSH from Max. "Mom, when they ask, tell them to go heal a broken relationship". Side note here warriors, when I have birthed my Guru, teacher of teachers, master of masters named Max and 22 hours after he leaves his body of 8 days old, he tell me to not only go heal my broken relationships but tells me to tell people who ask what they can do for me, to go heal their broken relationships...YOU LISTEN.
As my arms ached to hold him, I went through a list in my heart of the relationships that I needed to heal. "Get busy Mom, you may not be here tomorrow, or worse those people in your heart might not be here". This is how I prioritized. When I went down the checklist I asked myself if I were to run into them, would I run the other way? Anyone who I would run away from got a phone call. It sounds funny to me now that this is how I proceeded, but I am telling you because it doesn't have to be complicated. It's not easy, but it's not complicated. You will hear this again and again from me. Actually if it becomes complicated you need to re-direct your intention. On the same note if it feels easy, you aren't doing the work.

Love wants to pour through us. Love wants to pour through you. But you and your grudges, you and your blame, you and your feeling victimized, you and your jealousy, you and your fear, you and all your excuses are great big blocks, huge dams that prevent that river of love to gush through every cell in your body. Love is your birth right. I know. I just held the purest form for 8 days.

Confronting the people that we have been most hurtful toward, and the people that have been most hurtful toward us is liberating. It frees us and them of the bullshit that has been trumping our deepest truth. Life is radically different when the truth is so palpable. We can only taste the truth when we confront our demons.

I am on quite a journey, and as some of you have said "an undeniable one". All of us are.
Here is the bottom line, if you can fix something, fix it. Go heal a broken relationship in the name of Max, in the name of me, but mostly in the name of the love truth that you are.

My midwife told my amazing sister who hadn't spoken to our dad for over three years to "just open the door and let the breeze come through". Amen April. You have to start somewhere.

Go open the door.

Max Love, Max Widom
Heather Bear

Heintz & Huelster families opening the door in Saint Paul, MN - March 2011

21 comments:

Marcia Tullous said...

Heather,

I think of you everyday. You are in my dreams often and in my heart always. Every time I read one of your posts, I feel the power in the words. The teachings are so alive. Really, I am just amazed at how deeply this experience has touched me and how profoundly I feel your loss, which is an odd thing to say and explain. I think you understand what I mean, though.

Thank you for sharing your heart with the world and for passing along the teachings because it matters, You matter and Max matters.

I am grateful to be on this epic journey through life with you.

With Love and Gratitude,
Marcia

Kimberly said...

Yep... got it. Have been getting it, doing it...and there is one that I have avoided for some time. I love that part "It's not easy, but it's not complicated. You will hear this again and again from me. Actually if it becomes complicated you need to re-direct your intention. On the same note if it feels easy, you aren't doing the work."
Sometimes it means just trying again and risking getting feelings hurt. This is the discipline piece. It's not supposed to be easy. Max did a lot of work physically at the NICU to remind us the effort required to LET LOVE IN, AND OUT, AND BACK IN. Here we go Max... another one for you. LOVE YOU HH

Heather Heintz said...

From Tiffany Edwards Hunt:

I'm still working on being able to comment. I have 'illegal characters.'

Here is what I tried to say:

Ahhhhhhhhh... The door is wide open... I feel like bawling. There is no external savior. We are pure holiness in our love and our hate, in our perfection and in our imperfection. Thank you Heatherroo. I'm here listening. Thank you for reminding me."

stepherific said...

My broken relationship is with my Mother.  I am not afraid to reach out. I am not afraid to be honest. I am not afraid to take responsibility for my part in our pattern of hurting one another. I have tried many, many times to the same end. I believe that I have done the work, faced myself honestly, attempted to see my part clearly, appologize for it and tried to change it.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am once again tempted to reach out. Sadly, I just honestly don't see any good coming of it.  I spent my life trying to be the right person for everyone else, for my Mother. It took me 38 years to let go of the guilt of being an inadequate daughter in her eyes. When we finally got to the place that there was nothing left to lose by being completely honest and sincere with her, I was told that her life was more peaceful without me, my husband, and her young granddaughters in it. I am a good, caring, self-sufficient person. We are a family that we are told, our friends admire. I have people in my life who "see" me. Who don't disown me because I'm not who I should be, because it is easier not to have a relationship. My mother has a long history of disowning family and friends for not meeting her needs. I was not willing to raise my daughters with the same pattern of guilt. But, I did not shut the door. I wanted to work things out. My honesty was met with silence. 
A friend suggested that I post this, that I am not alone in this and that it would be good to talk openly about it.
So I say. I would honestly like to heal my relationship with my Mother, but I sincerily don't know how. I don't forsee any great changes for us if I'm the one who makes the first move. I've always been the one who takes the first step. I have done everything that is healthy for me to do. What are healthy boundaries for me, it seems, are too painful for my Mother to bear.  
It's hard to describe such a complicated relationship in just these few words, but am I missing something blaringly obvious?

JenZen said...

Stepherific,

I love your post and thank you for being so straight up about an issue that I think many of us can relate to...

I was just reading it and re-reading it and letting it sink in. I think it is so difficult to accept a relationship for what it is and not what we want it to be. It can be so painful to let go of the vision for what we see as possible and accept the reality of the present moment. I have known you for a long time and you, your husband and your children, are amazing people. You are so easy to be friends with, your family is so generous and warm. It is hard to imagine anyone turning away from your love, especially your mother. (Except I know her, so I can imagine it.)

I wonder how we can best navigate mending broken relationships with people who are incapable or unwilling to let love in or out. Or with people who are mentally ill, or addicted, or physically not among us. I know it's not complicated, but it is certainly not easy.

I'd be curious to see if anyone else here has similar situations in their lives and if we can be vulnerable enough to talk about it here....

Let Love & Truth Prevail.

JenZen

Unknown said...

When I first heard of the PUSH from Max "to heal a broken relationship", I thought of the Dad, the Sister, the exBoyfriend, the No Longer Friend and wondered, "Who will it be? When and How do I start?"

I was astonished to hear a voice undeniable and clear as a bell from somewhere deep say, "THE BIGGEST BROKEN RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN WITH YOURSELF".

Oh.

So now, day-to-day, I get to feel the big and little ways I break the relationship with myself: the big and little acts of self destruction, the inauthentic, strategic voice, the little lies, the trance-like unconsciousness, the squandering on safe and easy versus scary and bold...it's the little, "harmless" things that are the trickiest!

It's not a being a better person or a doing the right thing. It really feels like the relationship with myself heals by acknowledging it, being present to it, and having no agenda for it other than not denying it.

And that's what's happening with those other relationships I have too.

Thank you Heather and all for sharing...Love,
Jamie, Jame-Jame, James

wonder said...

Heather,

Your heart strength is palpable and inspiring. Thank you for staying open, for choosing to be open, to let love continue moving through you. It makes me want to do the same. For you and Max and like you said, for proliferating love itself.

I love you.

Whitney

Unknown said...

Done. I just mailed a letter to my very intense Acupuncture teacher. After 9 years of unrelenting pressure, judgement, guidance, fear, love, and intimidation all wrapped up in her teachings many would wonder why didn't I walk away long, long ago. Maybe because this moment had to arise. Me finally speaking my truth whether she likes to hear it or wants to hear. I know this much she NEEDS to hear it because she's not scaring the bajeezus out of just me now - there are many more students under me. She's an amazing teacher - that's why I have stayed in it. But there comes a time for change. She wants us to get ready for her passing but is not easily relinquishing control. So hopefully by me sticking my neck out, representing all of us I am doing several things. I am healing another level of my relationship with myself (by speaking my truth and not cowering in front of strong personalities) and protecting the younger generations like a big sister, and getting ready for the future change when it becomes life post Chieko. Thanks Max for shaking things up for me/us so that veil has slid off my ego smoothly

Colleen Cole said...

Dearest Heather,
I have been reading Max's blog and following along on your journey with Max. I wanted you to know how profoundly sorry I am for the grief and sadness and loss you are experiencing. It was devastating when I learned the news and for a while I felt paralyzed to write or say anything because as a fellow mother, it is our worst fear and it terrifies me to the core. Ever since I had Finn -- no more movies with children being hurt or books that hint at abuse or terrorizing -- motherhood has made me fierce and a quivering mass of fear --all of a sudden there is nothing I would not go through to shield my child from pain. On a recent long and turbulent flight back from Europe, I had a massive anxiety attack not so much because I thought the plane would crash but because I did not want to leave my son motherless. Anyway, you have traveled to an emotional place that scares the bejesus (love that word, sorry if it's offensive...) out of me and you have come out the other side. You are so inspiring and vulnerable and strong and open and hurting and sad and hopeful -- all these things that I was not sure could co-exist but I see them in your posts and actions. I guess I wanted to reach out and let you know that you are not alone on this journey, every mother of the heart is with you because we have all traveled here in our minds or in reality at some point. We are next to you, it feels like swimming through the ocean, not quite sure what comes next but moving on sometimes through beauty and sometimes not but we are here, I am here. You have inspired so much love in this community and I hope you are cashing that in big time now. Take this love to Vegas! Anyway, I miss you and love you and have you and Max in my heart.
aloha nui loa,
colleen

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather,
I am about to electrocute myself if I cry over this keyboard any longer. Rest assure they are not tears of sorrow but of compassion for the triumph every human must make over the ultimate of our miseries, death.
I recently finished another 10-day Vipassana meditation course and with the compassion the equanimity abounds. Like your friends have said it is wonderful that you are remaining open, something not everyone in your situation is able to do. Your mentations are inspiring and have touched me this morning. What a beautiful way to use the mind.
Like you too have said the truth about life is Annicca- impermanence. I will be sending you some metta.

Love and Compassion,
Conlon Doran

L. Marie Cook said...

Heather,

I only just received the news of Max last night and my heart aches for you. But the Universe has a way of delivering news exactly when it is supposed to. I need to heal a broken relationship with my mother.

Last night I had had enough of her manipulation and guilt trips. I have made attempts in the past but am quickly turned away because it is too hard to be in a relationship with her. She was difficult before but a year ago she tried to kill herself and I happened to be the one who found her and saved her. One would hope that an experience like that would help to make a person more grateful for their life but she is more bitter and angry then ever at me.
I go long periods of time without talking to her because she can hurt me so deeply that its best if we don't speak. i tried about two weeks ago to reconnect with her. It was going well until yesterday. I was making an effort but treading lightly so as to get close but also protect myself.It didn't work. with one conversation she was able to bring the worst out of me and I again wanted to just never speak to her again and try to come to terms that it just isn't possible.
But Max wants me to Let Love in and Out, to not be scared of getting hurt and to "Fix a broken relationship"

Heather, you are the most beautiful person I have ever known. You are so strong and I wish i could have your strength if even for just one day. You are kind and compassionate and the Love and Magnetism that surrounds you and Max is awe inspiring. I have never been so deeply touched and hurt by another persons loss. You are truly a mother to us all and your openness and vulnerability shows such wisdom and it gives me courage to approach this life differently, with an open heart and an open mind.
With all the love I can give,
Leslie

JenZen said...

Hi folks,

This message came loud and clear to me today: If you are embarking upon the calling to mend a broken relationship with an individual who is toxic, YOU DO NOT NEED TO MEND THE RELATIONSHIP PHYSICALLY. You can simply meditate on the individual, and say this mantra: "May you be happy, may you be free of suffering, may you hold yourself with care."

This may be the most appropriate measure. It is powerful, so while you are at it, include yourself! "May I be happy, may I be free of suffering, may I hold myself with care."

High Five Max!
JenZen

Unknown said...

Heather,
The love you share has made me a better person in everything I do. I didn't really have closed doors but I do have relationships that need nuturing and I'm really making the effort to do it before it closes.

Every emotion has been touched and it's so raw. Thank you for taking us on your journey.

Lots of love,
Sharri

Anonymous said...

i have work hard and tried everything i could to get my lover back but nothing works out for me to get him back, till i came across a great man profile called Dr.OLOKU a love spell caster that helped me get my lover back to me within the period of 2 days i want to say with his great power he has save so many life and relationship he was the only man i contacted and his magic really brought my ex back for in case you need his help for your relationship to be restored you can email him via his email address :olokuspelltemple@yahoo.com, Natalia .+2348133047855

Unknown said...

UNBREAKABLE LOVE BOND VOODOO SPELL TRUE LOVE SHOULD LAST FOREVER.This powerful voodoo love spell will ensure that you will be admired, cherished, worshiped and loved by that special person and allow you to feel truly complete in your relationship. This powerful voodoo love spell will bind its energy to them and retain it forever in order to protect your relationship for life – no matter what challenges your relationship faces. After all – true love should last forever!Contact Via Email:olokuspelltemple@yahoo.com ,Mike Krista +2348133047855

Anna said...

I am from Australia and i have been married for 3 years, my marriage was great at first, but few months ago our romantic feeling was going down everyday. There was no romance. I had lost my husband to someone else. This great spell caster called DR.EZIZA i met on the internet helped me out within 48 hours, passion, love and romance was once again restored in my marriage, Reach DR.EZIZA on ezizaspellhome@gmail.com . Just contact DR.EZIZA and your marriage will be restored back with love and forever be happy again all your life.

Unknown said...

Save Your Relationship and Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend Back!contact: drodogbo34@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.
My Name Olivia Stephen form Tx,USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another womTÉRMINOS Y CONDICIONES DEL PRÉSTAMO / PLAN DE PAGO
an. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that dr odogbo can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to dr odogbo. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that dr odogbo real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact email drodogbo34@gmail.com
Call/WhatsApp: +2347064227471

Solution Palace said...

I want to use this opportunity to thank the great prophet for restoring back my home when i taught all hope was lost. My husband left for another woman and i met this great spell caster online and i explain my situation to him, after 2 days my husband came back to me and he is now as i want him to be. You can contact the Priest for any kind of spiritual work at arenaofsolutions@yahoo . com or whatsapp at +15754148400

Mark Schwartz said...

My Name is Mark Schwartz.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done thanks be to Great Matatan a powerful spell of (  matatanspell@yahoo.com .  )

blogger said...

*All my life i have never seen anything that work so fast like Dr.Agbazara spell. After contacting Dr.Agbazara then i started believing in the saying that every coin has two sides. When my lover left me she sworn never to come back to me again but thank God that through the help of Dr.Agbazara i have my lover back to me within 48 hours and i will also want other people that are heart broken to contact Dr.Agbazara through these details below which are via email: ( agbazara@gmail.com ) or via Whatsapp on +2348104102662 then you can see the wonders of Dr.Agbazara*



























ALFONSO VAZQUEZ said...

Hi viewers online, I'm Alfonso Vázquez from Mexico. I'm here to share my testimony about how i was helped to get my wife back. I was a cheat and my wife caught me several times. I tried fixing myself and each time i ended up cheating over and over again. I guess i didn't realise what she meant to me until she had left me alone. I began to find a way to get her back but nothing seems to work out perfectly till i came across an article about Lord Zakuza who helped a lot of people globally to get their relationships back. I made contact with him on his WhatsApp number via +1 740-573-9483 and he assured me that my wife will come back to me within 48 hours with his powerful magics and i paid 410 Euros for the materials needed for the work. Surprisingly, my wife came back home after 2 days saying that she still loves me and i swore never to cheat on her anymore. All thanks to Lord Zakuza. Email him via ( lordzakuza7@gmail.com ) or WhatsApp number via +1 740-573-9483.